Confidence: The Secret Sauce?

How many times have you thought or felt this when you see another women who looks confident, self-assured and assertive.  “I want what she’s got!”  How many times have you wished that could be you.  But even as we have that thought, deep inside we feel that familiar sinking feeling.  Knowing that this can never be us.

But it should be you, and me.  It should be all of us.

Why is it that we don’t recognise and feel our own intrinsic self-worth and value, our own intelligence, creativity and our big wonderful heart?  If we did, we’d know we have the right to have that wonderful self-assurance and deep confidence that allows us to sail through life, taking our rightful place in the world.

It could be that you’re suffering from what I call a sabotaging achiever programme.

What are you talking about Anne?  I hear you say.

Well it’s like this.  If you’re like me and many other people, achievement is a very deep-seated motivation in our lives.  We aren’t satisfied to be mediocre, or to settle and compromise. We want to improve ourselves, to make a difference and to create something worthwhile our lives.  Then one day early in our lives, we experience an obstacle, or a challenge that seems impossible to surmount, but we push forward, expand ourselves and find ourself achieving what we thought was impossible.

Unfortunately this locks a destructive pattern into our minds.  If I believe I can’t do it I’ll push myself further, and harder, and maybe then I will do better than I ever thought possible.  From that moment onwards, our minds decide to hold us back, filling us with sabotaging limiting beliefs that undermine us in the hope of stimulating achievement.  We give ourself beliefs such as:  I’m useless. I’m nothing. I’m stupid. I’m inadequate. I’m unloved. I’m inferior.

In reality, instead of stimulating achievement, they just make us unhappy, limited, undermine our confidence and can ultimately lead to burnout.


Now you understand this, you can take another angle on this.  Next time you feel that sinking feeling that tells you you aren’t good enough, aren’t confident enough and aren’t deserving enough, tell yourself the truth.


They are not the truth. As soon as you know those limiting beliefs are illusions and why they are there, they will begin to lose their power over you.

Take look at who you really are.  Look at your gifts, talents, intelligence, imagination, integrity and compassion.  You are of enormous value and the equal of anyone you meet.  You already have what she has, just allow yourself to recognise it.

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